Birthday party excess is no gift

My eldest two children were at a friend's birthday party recently, and though they had fun, I have to confess that I hate kids' birthday parties.  The hordes of kids, the mounds of terrible food, the stacks of presents, the wads of money spent on whatever shiny activity has caught the birthday kid's eye this year — it all seems wasteful and extravagant.

We have tried to take a more relaxed approach to parties in our house.  We invite a bunch of friends, but we go and play in the park or take a hike or run sports in a church gym.  We get the birthday kid a present ourselves, and we let the grandparents get something too, but we ask the guests just to bring a card or something they have made.  We let the birthday kid choose the food, but we don't have extra sugar and loot bags full of candy.

Most importantly I also take the birthday kid out for a sleepover somewhere, just the two of us, so that we can mark the occasion in a more personal way.  We rent a movie and bring a game and go out for breakfast the next morning, but the real purpose of our time is to talk about what it means to be growing up and getting new responsibilities and new privileges. 

This approach might not work for everyone, of course, but I think it is important that we start marking our kids' birthdays, not as occasions to eat too much and get piles of toys, but as milestones in their lives, steps towards adulthood and maturity.

Luke Hill is a stay-at-home father of three boys, aged eight, six, and two.  He has fathered, fostered, adopted, or provided a temporary home for kids anywhere between birth and university.  He has taught college courses, adoption seminars, camp groups, Sunday School classes, rugby teams, not to mention his own homeschooled kids.