Do other families talk about this stuff

My mom came down from Manitoulin Island for a visit this weekend and had the whole family – four of her five sons and a gaggle of grandkids – over to our place for pizza. 

As often happens at these events, my brothers and I started talking about things – important things, like cultural attitudes toward refugees, the treatment of Canada's aboriginal nations, the role of religion in promoting both compassion and hatred, the possibility of absolute right and wrong, the way that technology is changing the relationship between art and popular culture, and whether Leicester City can remain atop the English Premier League (the answer to this last one is no, by the way). 

This kind of talk is how my family works, how it has always worked.  We don't do small talk.  We don't talk weather.  We don't talk career (except where it is also a personal passion). We don't talk pop culture (except with extreme irony).  We do talks sports (see the Leicester City reference above) but far less often and with far less investment than most random collections of five men you're likely to find on the street. 

Instead, our conversation circulates around the questions that we find important – politics, art, morality, philosophy, religion, activism, and so forth.  Even when we're sitting around without our families, even when it's just the five of us playing cards over beers, we're always solving the world's problems.

Which is why my eldest son stopped me short with something he said this weekend.  He had been listening to me converse with two of his uncles about whether the idea of an afterlife was actually a deterrent to moral action.  He had even chimed in once and while where he could get a grasp on the issue.  Then, as my brothers began to pack up and go home, he said to me, “Dad, do other families talk about this stuff?”

I was about to say, “Of course they do,” but then I really thought about his question, and realized that most families probably don't.  At least, I don't think they talk about these things enough.  Whether because of discomfort or uncertainty or some other reason, most families I know usually just chat about the weather and the show they're currently binge watching on Netflix.

There's nothing wrong with that kind of small chat, of course.  It's at least as important as Leicester City's startling run to the top of English soccer.  But I do think people need to talk about the important issues more often, and that they need to include kids in that conversation as well, as much as is appropriate.  Our conversation models to them the things that are worth talking about, and if all we talk about is the weather and pop entertainment, it should hardly surprise us if they aren't able to talk about much else either.