Just say yes

There is a parenting principle that I’ve found quite useful but that I sometimes have a hard time practising.  It goes like this – say “yes” when you can.

There are so many times as parents that our only choice is to say “no”.  No – you may not hit people with sticks.  No – it’s not a good idea to climb the downspout.  No – it’s dangerous to ride your skateboard without a helmet.  And so forth.  All day long.

With all that no-ing, it’s easy for parents to get into the habit of no-ing things that aren’t that big a deal, because they might make a bit of mess or put us out a little or even just seem silly to our adult eyes.  No – you can’t make mud cakes in the garden.  No – you can’t put food colouring in your bath.  No – you can’t cut your favourite soccer player’s number into your hair.  All real examples from my life over the past few weeks.

Yet, most of these things aren’t really a problem.  Nobody’s getting hurt.  Nothing’s getting wrecked.  Only minimal messes are being made.  There’s big potential to have fun and keep occupied.  Why not just let them do it?

And this is the point.  If I can’t come up with a good reason to say “no”, why not just say “yes”?  It creates far less conflict, and it also gives added weight to my decision when I do actually need to say “no”.

So the next time you see my eldest son, don’t be surprised at the very nice #10 he has cut into the hair on the side of his head.

Luke Hill is a stay-at-home father of three boys, aged nine, seven, and three.  He has fathered, fostered, adopted, or provided a temporary home for kids anywhere between birth and university.  He has taught college courses, adoption seminars, camp groups, Sunday School classes, rugby teams, not to mention his own homeschooled kids.