I don’t like you

I was forced to watch a parenting video last night, something that usually provides me with more annoyance than help, and this time was no exception.

The parenting expert, who I’ll leave anonymous, shared how her daughter once put on a little play, that portrayed her mother as strict and demanding.  This bothered the expert so much that she decided to reevaluate the ways that she was interacting with her child, and the central recommendation of the session was that parents need to be aware of what their children mirror back to them.

Now, there is truth to what she says.  Sometimes our children do reflect back behaviour to us that we need to change.  It bothers me, however, that she assumes there’s a problem when her daughter sees her as an authority figure.

The fact is that parenting sometimes involves authority — instruction, correction, redirection, discipline, and so forth — and kids aren’t always going to appreciate it.  They might respond with anger or frustration or defiance, and these feelings will probably come out in what they mirror back to us.

All of that is okay.  It’s normal.

It isn’t necessary for kids to like everything we do as parents.  Our decisions should never be based on whether it’s going to make them like us.  Our decisions need to be based on what’s best for them, in every case, even if it means that they sometime think us strict and demanding.

Luke Hill is a stay-at-home father of three boys, aged nine, seven, and three.  He has fathered, fostered, adopted, or provided a temporary home for kids anywhere between birth and university.  He has taught college courses, adoption seminars, camp groups, Sunday School classes, rugby teams, not to mention his own homeschooled kids.