Three kids on a plane

So I’m taking three kids under 11 years of age on a plane trip to Georgia.

Granted, I know other people do this all the time. Also granted, there will be two other adults with me, so the ratio of big people to small people will be optimal. Lastly granted, I’ve already taken all three on a multi-day road trip to Prince Edward Island when they were much younger and when I was the only adult along for the ride, so I’ve coped with worse.

Even so, I confess I’m not looking forward to taking three kids under 11 years of age on a plane trip to Georgia.

Here are my reasons, some of them admittedly selfish and having nothing to do with the children:

1) The leg room on an airplane for a person of my height (6’ 2”) is far less than ideal. I’m generally uncomfortable after half an hour, in pain by an hour, and hating my life by the time we land.

2) Neither I nor my kids do well in confinement. I can’t even sit through board meetings without getting up and wandering around. My kids generally spend more time doing headstands and flips on chairs than actually sitting in them. All of us will struggle to stay put on a cross-continental flight.

3) Airplane food is gross. Period.

4) I have serious concerns about taking everyone through international customs. I’ve never done it before. I’m fairly certain (despite the rigorous precautions I will certainly take) that one of my kids will try to walk through security with a toy weapon, a living creature, or a foodstuff that is prohibited by international treaty.

5) Airports are designed to make you feel like a suitcase on a baggage claim carousel. You’re just spinning around, hoping that you end up in the right destination and not on a one-way transatlantic flight to some obscure place where you’ll never be recovered. Insurance might eventually recompense your family, but not without infinite headaches.

6) When children are bored, they go pee. As often as they can. Just for the change of scenery. Just to make their parents walk back and forth with them to the toilet.

7) I have it on good authority that the chances of your flight being delayed increase with every child you have with you.

8) The flight leaves at 4 a.m.. Yes, that’s a.m. The morning one.

I’m sure it will all be fine in the end. Like I said, people do this all the time. It’s just three kids under 11 years of age on a plane trip to Georgia. What could possibly go wrong?