Separation and faith issues

Dear Dr. Karyn,
Question: My wife and I separated three months ago. How should I talk about my ex to my kids? Are there some do’s and don’ts?

Answer: How parents handle a separation or divorce has a huge impact on the well-being of their children. The most important thing to remember is do not ever put down your ex-partner when speaking to or around your kids. When parents do this, children often feel highly uncomfortable, burdened, anxious and put in the middle. My number one suggestion is say something nice or nothing at all to your kids. If your ex-partner is irresponsible, rude or undependable, you don’t have to tell this to your kids – they will figure it out on their own in their own time. Get your own adult support group that you can vent to; your kids should never be your outlet.

Dear Dr. Karyn,
Question: I’m a Christian and so is my husband. The problem is our one son, age 18, is no longer interested in our faith. He is asking so many questions. How should we respond?

Answer: It’s important to realize that the whole journey about being a teen is to start questioning things. As children, they believed whatever their parents or adults told them. As they hit adolescence, it’s a very normal part of the development process to start questioning things and asking why. My greatest encouragement for all parents is to preach less and model more. Preaching to our teens only gets their backs up – they don’t want to be told what to do or what to think. One of the greatest skills we can teach them is to show them how to think and this means not telling them what to think, but rather dialoguing with them and encouraging their questions.

• Dr. Karyn Gordon is a youth expert, parent/teen coach, motivational speaker and author. Check out www.drkaryn.com.