Don

I have noticed for some time that people try to do too much, try to fit too many just-one-more-things into their already overburdened schedules. They try to work a job, take care of the house, spend time with the kids, have a date night with the spouse, get to the gym, have a drink with friends, volunteer at a favourite charity, and of course take the kids to their endless list of activities — ballet, soccer, scouts, music lessons, hockey, playdates, and everything else.

I’ve started raising this observation in conversation recently, and I was interested to find that the reasons people give for their busyness often come down to fear. They work long hours because they fear not being able to pay the bill for the lives they lead. They clean the house because they fear what the neighbours will think of the unkept yard and what their mothers will think of the unwashed dishes.  They spend time with their kids because they fear being alienated from them, go out as a couple because they fear divorce, get to the gym because they fear getting fat, go out with friends because they fear being lonely, volunteer at charities because they fear being selfish, take their kids to everything because they fear not giving them the opportunity to succeed.

These are mostly legitimate fears. I’m not belittling them. It seems to me, however, that our fears drive us to do so much that we stop doing anything very well. We rush from one thing to another, doing most of them poorly, feeling overtaxed and overtired, and we still haven’t done much to alleviate the fears that are driving our hyperactivity in the first place.

I think we need stop filling our schedules on the basis of fear and start living our lives in ways that value relationships over activities. If a spouse really needs some extra time this week, that’s far more valuable than cutting the lawn, even if the neighbours may disapprove. If a friend needs someone to talk through a difficult time, that’s far more important than getting to the gym, even if it means not losing that extra pound. If a child needs some family time, that’s far more necessary than a soccer game, even if the team loses without the extra player.

We can’t let our schedules take over our lives, and we can’t keep jamming more into them just because we fear what will happen if we don’t.  We need to do less until we can do it well, until we have time to be with the people in our lives rather than just to do the activities in our schedules.