Bring peace to the season
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah or Kwanzaa, the holidays are supposed to be a time of peace, joy and happiness. Yet for many families, the overriding feeling is stress.
Just ask Christine Campion. The 38-year-old mother says she doesn’t even look forward to celebrating anymore. For her, the holidays are a time when her husband’s fish transporting business swings into high gear, leaving her to manage the preparation and entertaining on her own. Sure she enjoys watching their eight-year-old daughter and four-year-old son open gifts on Christmas morning, but the thought of spending weeks decorating, picture taking, shopping, gift wrapping and cooking is enough to send her running for cover.
Campion is not alone. Painful memories, financial pressures, social obligations and the rush to fit it all in make the holiday season one of the most stressful times of the year. According to Ray Lightstone, a clinical psychologist, strains in family relationships are often heightened. In addition, children who are expected to be on their best behaviour during the seasonal social obligations can push some parents to the breaking point.
Lower the bar
While he says the holidays are generally a rough time for most, Lightstone also believes you can get through the season unscathed by lowering your expectations and taking steps to minimize the stress the holidays bring.
The first goal, most experts say, is to plan ahead. For example, when Kathy Elgort’s family gathers for Thanksgiving every year, they use the time to decide how they’ll celebrate the coming season. A mother of four girls ranging in age from 10 to 23, the 46-year-old Elgort, says planning ahead cuts down on the rush to see everyone and do everything. “One year we decided to pick a name out of a hat to buy a present for just one member of the family,” she says. “Last year we went on a cruise. This year we’re discussing not buying for each other because we have so much.”
Making choices is never easy, but it makes a big difference when trying to get through the stressful season.
“When there are too many things to do, you have to make choices against something,” says Donald A. Tubesing, author of Kicking Your Holiday Stress Habits (Pfeifer-Hamilton Publishers, $5.95). “It’s so easy to get caught up in the preparations. For many people that’s not satisfying. Most of us at the holiday times want relationships, reflection and meaning, even if we don’t label it that way. We don’t want to be busy, busy, busy.”
Nor do we want to set ourselves up for disappointment, which is exactly what happens to those who strive to make the holiday picture postcard perfect. If you try to carry out your expectations, you’re designed for a letdown, Tubesing says. Instead, pay attention to your spirit, slow down and enjoy.
