Birth order, wish lists and tarty attire
Question: I’ve heard, in the past, a little information on birth order. Can you share with me the common points?
Answer: Birth order is fascinating. But realize there are always exceptions to these generalizations.
•Eldest children tend to be the most responsible of children and tend to follow the family rules and expectations the most. For example, most of the US presidents and astronauts were first born.
• Middle children tend to be the peace makers. They often don’t like conflict and will try to do whatever they can to keep the peace.
• Youngest children tend to be the most adventurous and like to step out of the box. They’re either under achievers because so many people have taken care of them or overachievers trying to keep up with their siblings.
For more information on birth order, I recommend the book Family Ties That Bind by Dr. Don Richardson.
Expensive wishes
Question: I love my kids dearly but I got really frustrated when they gave me their “wish list” for Christmas including all kinds of expensive stuff. What should I do?
Answer: Many parents find this time of year difficult because their children make long lists of expensive gifts they want. As a result, some parents feel used, angry and a little resentful of this attitude. To help manage expectations, I highly recommend parents share with their children the rough amount they are willing to spend on gifts. Encourage your children to think about this limit when they start putting their wish list together. Also, try making it a family tradition to give gifts or volunteer time at a local charity. This will help encourage an attitude of gratitude rather than an attitude of entitlement.
She’s too sexy
Question: I don’t like how my daughter is dressing. She’s only 14 but she’s dressing very provocatively. Should I put my foot down?
Answer: This is a concern I’ve received from many parents. Here are some quick tips. First, do not start by telling them they are dressing like a slut, even if this is what you think. This is a harsh statement that will only get them angry and their walls will go up. Second, talk with your teen about why they are dressing in a certain way. Often, teens admit they want to look sexy and attractive. Get them to think about the messages they are sending by wearing certain clothes. Third, talk about appropriate boundaries for wearing clothes. What are they allowed to wear? What is off limits? Hear them out and negotiate on certain boundaries. Try to find a win-win balance for both of you.
• Dr. Karyn Gordon is a youth expert, parent/teen coach, motivational speaker and author. Check out www.drkaryn.com to find out if she’s speaking in your area.
