Adjusting to being home for the holidays

This is the first year all my kids have been in school. Previously one had been homeschooling and one had been too young for school. The transition has meant several changes in our schedule and family culture, as we expected, but one of the things we didn't expect was that it would change how we cope with the Christmas holidays.

The thing is, when kids are at home they get used to occupying their own time. They have projects they're working on, books they're reading, regular times to hang out with their friends, go hiking, or play at the library. Some of this still happens when they're in school, of course, but so much of their work and fun and social time is now connected to school in some way that they've found it difficult to occupy their time over the first few days of the Christmas break.

Their approach so far has been to use up their hour of screen time almost immediately in the morning and then to complain about being bored for the rest of the day. This despite the fact that their parents have helped fill their time by taking them to a party on Saturday, to skating on Sunday, and to see a certain sci-fi film that will remain nameless on Monday.

The “I'm bored” conversation, often repeated, has gone something like this:

Dad – Find something to do please.

Kid – There's nothing to do.

Dad – How about reading a book?

Kid – My book is at school.

Dad – Well get a new one.

Kid – I don't want to start a new one.

Dad – How about doing some art stuff?

Kid – My sculpture project is at school.

Dad – You could start on something different.

Kid – No, I just want to do my sculpture.

And so forth.  And so on. Endlessly.

What it's helped me realize, however, is how much our perception of boredom has to do with the normal rhythm of our lives. My kids don't have any more spare time this Christmas than they did last, but this year they've had to shift from one schedule to another.  Their boredom has less to do with having too much time than with having to adjust to a different schedule and a different pace of life.

So, I've stopped suggesting things. This morning I just told them that they need to come up with something or rest on their beds until they do. They grumbled. They complained. Two of them actually went up to their beds in protest. But, at this moment, less than half an hour later, the oldest two have gone to the library with some friends and the youngest is happily building forts out of couch cushions.

I'm sure it's not the last I'll hear about being bored this holiday, and my suspicion is that they'll get adjusted to being at home just in time to head back to school, but I think I've learned something useful.  My kids don't need me to fill their time. They need me to help them adjust to spending their time differently. It's a small lesson, but it just might make the holidays more liveable.

Luke Hill is a stay-at-home father of three boys, aged 10, eight, and four.  He has fathered, fostered, adopted, or provided a temporary home for kids anywhere between birth and university.  He has taught college courses, adoption seminars, camp groups, Sunday School classes, rugby teams, not to mention his own homeschooled kids.