The Talk
Dear Dr. Karyn,
Q I’m nervous but I know I need to talk with my teen about sex. What are some recommendations?
A I get asked this question a lot! Here are a few of my suggestions:
o Please don’t wait ‘til they are 16 and in a committed relationship before you have ‘The Talk’ – this is way too late.
o Get comfortable. If parents are uncomfortable talking about sex there is no way their child or teen is going to approach them for information.
o The best way to talk about sex and sexuality is gradually and from a young age. You can start talking with your children when they are as young as 3 or 4 years old when you start educating them about ‘good touching’ and ‘bad touching’. Let your child take the lead about how much information is too much information. Children start getting curious and asking a lot of questions. The key is for parents to be that safe person to answer those questions. Bottom line: if parents don’t educate their kids about sex, the media and their friends will.
Making a smooth blend
Dear Dr. Karyn,
Q I’m getting married next month to a man who has three teen daughters. I do not have any children of my own. I’ve heard blended families can be tricky. How should I respond to his daughters as their new step-parent? Should I be disciplining them?
A This is a tricky one. One of the biggest mistakes I see is when step-parents act like the biological parent and take over the disciplining. Only biological parents should be disciplining children unless the biological parent has given his or her authority to the step-parent to do so. However, step-parents still have an incredibly important role: to be supportive to the biological parents as it relates to parenting and to act more like a friend to the stepchildren. If step-parents act too much like biological parents, often, children will resent this new step-parent. This can cause a lot of tension in the new marriage.
Go for the dream job
Dear Dr. Karyn,
Q I want to help my kids find the right career. What specific questions do you recommend to open up the discussion?
A Figuring out potential careers is one of the biggest decisions your child will face. Here are a few questions to discuss with your teen:
o What is your passion?
o What are your skills/gifts?
o What would your dream job look like?
o What education do you need for your dream job? What school marks or skills should you be working towards today?
o And who do you know that has your dream job? I highly recommend kids do a 30-minute interview with someone who has their dream job. Ask them what are the 10 best and worst things about their job? What colleges or universities do they recommend? This informal interview will give young people a more realistic picture of that job – and something they can’t read in a career textbook.
– Dr. Karyn Gordon is a youth expert, parent/teen coach, motivational speaker and author. Check out www.drkaryn.com.
