The couple connection

While expecting junior number one, my wife and I actually got sick of hearing the words “your life is going to change” from all the parents around us. “Tell us something we don't know,” was our first reaction to those comments, but beyond that, most of those parents either implied or stated quite clearly that the upcoming change wasn't going to be good.
Once we became parents, we tried to provide a different perspective for our friends as they were expecting their first child. Yes there are challenges, we would say, but there are many more positive experiences than negative ones. Maintaining that positive attitude isn't always easy, especially during those oh-so-fun first few months of sleepless nights. It's also not easy to figure out the parenting thing the first time through – I certainly didn't have any baby 101 courses on my academic resume, and I'm guessing most of you don't either.
As positive as we'd all like to be through the early stages of parenthood, there's no doubt that it's a stressful time. Many couples don't handle that stress. About 50 per cent of marriages end up in divorce and, according to one 10-year study completed in 2000, about a quarter of those divorces come before the first baby is 18-months old.
Dr. Mark E. Crawford doesn't think that needs to be the case. In his book When Two Become Three he offers insights on how couples can nurture their own marriage after junior arrives. Crawford is a clinical psychologist who manages to provide lots of helpful information and tips gleaned from his years of working with families and from his journey as a husband and parent. He has an easy-to-read writing style that sneaks in lots of important information in a way that's entertaining while informative.
The book includes chapters on communication, handling increased responsibility (yes, most of you have to grow up once you become parents – only the lucky ones like me get to avoid that!), dividing the chores and specific advice for moms and dads. There's the required chapter on sex (yes, your sex life will return, it just takes a bit) and a couple of excellent chapters on “Friends and Family: How Having a Baby Affects the Rest of Your Relationships” and “Establishing a Parenting Philosophy.” Crawford actually closes far better than I ever could:
“I believe that becoming parents together can draw you closer than ever if you know what to expect and if you invest the necessary time and energy and use the right tools to build a strong marital home – both for you and your spouse as well as for your children,” he writes in his conclusion. “A great marriage to one another is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your children.”

• Crawford, Dr. Mark E., When Two Become Three: Nurturing Your Marriage After Baby Arrives, Revell, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2007.