Older and wiser
Two of my kids have birthdays in March, which is a reminder that birthdays are another of those things that I find difficult as a parent.
On the one hand, I think it's important to recognize milestones in the lives of my children. I want to acknowledge how they're maturing, celebrate their new privileges, explain their new responsibilities. It's part of leading them into adulthood.
On the other hand, I have a pretty low tolerance for the sense of entitlement that most birthdays now seem to involve, with piles of presents and expensive parties and the politics of guest lists. It seems to me that little of this has to do with actually encouraging children to make a connection between increasing age and increasing maturity.
That's not to say that birthdays shouldn't be fun. They're celebrations after all. But the fun and the celebration needs to be about growing up and maturing, not about presents and bad food and conspicuous expenditure. The point is to teach them that growing into the maturity of adulthood is something to be celebrated.
So I always encourage parents to plan birthday celebrations a little differently. Ask guests not to bring presents. Plan activities that focus on kids actually playing with each other. Invite people of all ages who are important to the child. Give a toast or blessing that celebrates how the child is maturing.
I also suggest that parents plan a more private celebration also, just parent and child, a sleepover maybe, or a dinner out, where there's an opportunity to talk about what it means to grow up and be a whole, moral, responsible human being.
They'll only turn this age once. It's important, I think, to take the opportunity to make it an occasion they'll remember for all the right reasons.
Luke Hill is a stay-at-home father of three boys, aged nine, seven, and three. He has fathered, fostered, adopted, or provided a temporary home for kids anywhere between birth and university. He has taught college courses, adoption seminars, camp groups, Sunday School classes, rugby teams, not to mention his own homeschooled kids.
